Authenticity

Today, there was this pressing desire inside myself for AUTHENTICITY.

For years before I found yoga, and even after it, I pretty much had - half deliberately, half sub-consciously - split the different aspects of my truly ambiguous, multi-faceted, multi-interested self so that I would allow other people only to see certain parts of the true me, depending on the person or the group I was with.

This fragmentation resulting in anything but UNION of mySELF and only in shattered, disintegrated, inauthentic pieces.

Afraid to let most people see the whole me, afraid for their reactions, their judgment, their opinion.

I didn't let everybody see the me who follows yoga as a path and way of life and is super-passionate about it, for who the practice feels like coming home to herself and finding peace, who meditates, believes in a higher self and a higher power, in the chakra system and ayurveda and feels connected and blissfully as one when chanting mantras, and who got her 200 h Yoga teacher certificate last year.

Then there is the me that thrives on and loves alternative rock and progressive metal and the respective community. All with the 'I hate everyone' feeling, the venting of rage and anger, and who experiences states of ecstatic flow at Placebo, System of a Down and Nine Inch Nails gigs whilst screaming her lungs out, thrusting her fist into the air and head-banging the shit out of it.

Also, there is the analytical, rational, nerdy scientist-me holding a PhD degree in virology who always has been fascinated by anything from the smallest atom to the infinite vastness of the entire universe.

Further, the leader-me at work who is responsible for a whole department and for promoting everybody in it to live, develop and work to their best capabilities and talents.

And there are so many more parts that form up my identity and personality:

the daughter, the friend, the lover, the book nerd, the vegan and eco-activist, the Netflix binge-watcher, the passionate traveler, the hiker, the gardener, and, and, and.

It took me years, though, to realise that hiding certain parts is essentially keeping me from becoming the best version of myself. From living the life I desire to lead which is truly uniquely meant for me as the human individual I am during my lifetime on this planet.

Because how should otherwise the "right" people, the ones I connect to and resonate with, my soul tribe, find and see me when all that this disintegration leads to is me holding back my authentic self and remaining in hiding?

I've made the resolution for myself that I will no longer hide these different aspects of my being, personality and soul.

Instead, I'll let them fearlessly present themselves in their beautiful, much needed unity and integrity to the world and to others.

Thus, I choose AUTHENTICITY.

LOVE & Namasté ♡